In my 2 years of Klaroline Blogging I’ve come across a lot of people, made a lot of friends. Some who cry in a jar of nutella over Klaroline (I’m looking at you, Caryn.), some who have random burst of Klaroline feels that totally blind sided me, and some who’re so quiet and guarded in their Klaroline shipping until you finally see them explode with feels like Vesuvius. And I’ve made friends with people who don’t ship Klaroline at all. And I’ve always respected that, people have the right to ship whatever they want, it’s quite simple really. And I’ve gotten along with them splendidly.
And I’m usually a calm person in the face of hate comments against Klaroline. Most of them just get a laugh from me, because some are just so damn dumb. But there are some that get my blood boiling, and I go into full Hulk mode. So here we have a list of 10 Things to never say to a Klaroline shipper, as derived from my experience as well as many other shippers who sent me suggestions.
1. ‘The Klayley sex scene was hot.’
No. Let me stop you right there. To quote Damon, ‘No no no no no no no. Did I mention, NO!’ It’s like telling Manchester United that Chelsea has a sexier game. It’s like reminding NASA that Russia made it into space first. It’s like telling a Jennifer Aniston fan that you stan Angelina Jolie. You never do that, ever. This incident qualifies splendidly for what us Klaroline shippers like to call; ‘that thing that happened that we don’t talk about and suppress all and every memory of’. The Klayley sex scene was not hot, at least not to us, and we’ll hold on to that opinion like its our fundamental right. So, unless you want a voodoo doll dedicated to you and thrashed and poked around unceremoniously and amateur curses thrown your way, you’d never ever say the above words to a Klaroline shipper. The next time you feel a sudden, sharp prick and have no clue where the hell it came from, try and remember if you uttered the unspeakable words to a Klaroline shipper.
2. Camille understands Klaus.
I must admit, I laughed for a full minute after typing that sentence, because HA! Camille understands Klaus? Please, even Klaus doesn’t understand Klaus. And we’ve lost all hope that Julie Plec will ever understand Klaus. On the list of people that even have the off chance of understanding Klaus, Camille is last on the list. Even that random, yet hot, blonde waitress Klaus ate in 3×13 has a better chance of understanding him. Camille has only known Klaus for very less, half of which she spent being his compelled puppy and the other half attempting to look moderately smart by describing the dark soul of a man through his painting. But we aren’t delusional, even though that seems to be the only adjective haters find to use on us, we are perfectly aware that Caroline doesn’t understand Klaus either. Not yet, not so soon, but she sure as hell understands him more than Cami. Being told that Camille understands Klaus and sees through the exterior to the man he really is, makes us want to claw our own eyes out at the image and then go all Thor on you. The chances of Camille understanding Klaus are about the same as my chances of having a threesome with Joseph Morgan and Robert Pattinson. Actually, on second thought, for my sake, I hope she understands him.
3. Who’s the daddy?
You’d think a 1000 year old Hybrid with more self-preservation skills than a parasite would remember to wrap it up. But nope, his one night in Hayley resulted in the miraculous, biology and logic defying conception of the devil spawn/Joffrey Baratheon to be. It’s a sore spot with us klaroliners, in fact not just klaroliners, but anyone who posses a modicum of common sense. And why wouldn’t it be? Imagine your otp of all otps, and then imagine that one member of your otp gets a girl knocked up, and not just any random girl, but the one girl that annoys you so much that you suffer multiple seizures while watching her scenes. And then imagine being reminded about that-thing-that-must-not-be-spoken-of, how’d you feel? I’m sure murderous and ravenous are at the tips of your tongue. That’s how we feel when reminded that Hayley is carrying Klaus’ progeny. So unless you want a Joker to your Batman, don’t ever say that to a Klaroliner. And this time, we assure you, Batman will lose.
4. They are on two different shows.
Penguins live in the south pole. Brazilians do not speak Spanish. Tigers are going extinct. My brother hates peas. I thought I’d keep up the stating of random facts that have no effect whatsoever. Yes, we know that they are on two different shows. Do you know that we don’t care? We have the right to ship them even if they’re in different universes, different planets. Freedom of opinion. Freedom of thought. And as if them being on two different shows makes a difference. This fandom’s love for Klaroline goes above and beyond the ever-returning for 2 episodes boyfriend, traumatic writing, and baby redemption plot, do you really think them not being on the same show will deter us one bit? Them being on two different show doesn’t really make us want to give up, it makes us want to fight harder. And the Klaroliners hate being given this lame reason to not ship them. In a world of crossover ships between character that don’t even know the other exists, Klaroline even being on two different but interconnected shows, seems like a safe bet.
5. Klaroline doesn’t exist.
I’m a religious person. Not an over the top pious person who see’s god in everything and thinks prayer is the solution to all, but I am religious to a certain extent, I believe in the existence of God. On a scale of one to Lady Gaga, how crazy do I sound when I say that being told that God doesn’t exist and being told that Klaroline doesn’t exist feels the same? I’m not saying that God and a fictional ship are on the same level, but think about it for a second; I believe in God, however stupid or hopeless people might think it is, similarly, I believe in Klaroline, that there is something there that attracts me so. It’s a matter of respect. You don’t have to like it, you don’t even have to agree with it, but you have to respect that we ship Klaroline and give us the freedom to believe in our ship, just as you respect a person who is religious, and give them the freedom to practice. You don’t go to a Klaroliner and tell them that the ship they are so passionate about, doesn’t exist. Just like you don’t go to a crazy, religious nut-job and tell them that there is no God. Don’t be an idiot. You should have seen enough T.V to know that said idiot’s photos ends up on said religious nut-job’s wall with big, red, X mark drawn on his face. *Cue CSI theme song YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH*.
6. Klaus tried to kill Caroline.
Hold on a minute. What?! Klaus tried to kill Caroline!!!! *dramatic gasp* What is this brand new information? Call the FBI. Call CNN. Call Beyonce. Yeah, we’re more than aware that Klaus was going to sacrifice Caroline to break his hybrid curse. We’re also aware that Klaus had no clue who Caroline was when he was going to sacrifice her; he hadn’t seen her, he hadn’t spoken to her, he hadn’t saved her life and very subtly but sneakily offered her the world. She was just a nameless, faceless vampire who had the misfortune of being turned for his ritual. So, to be honest, Klaus would have sacrificed any Laura, Shelly and Kelly as long as they met the requirements, he wasn’t looking to kill Caroline for some reason, it was just collateral damage. So your argument is invalid. And those who say that Klaus wanted Caroline to die in 3×11 (Our Town) then you obviously don’t give Klaus enough credit. It seems like his intention behind getting Tyler to bite Caroline, was to assert his power and superiority over Tyler, as well as to show just how strong the sire bond was. And, people might argue that maybe he wasn’t going to save Caroline, but the thing is, you Einstein’s, he did save Caroline. Maybe she was so pretty his insides turned into goo, or maybe Jesus came to him in a vision, or maybe he was just that bored, but something compelled him to save Caroline. Same with 4×13, because eventually, Klaus couldn’t let Caroline die. So when I’m told that I shouldn’t ship Klaroline for this reason it just makes me roll my eyes so many times it gives me a headache. And plus, Klaus is evil, plain and simple. And we love an evil Klaus, that’s how he’s supposed to be, not crying every 7 minutes. Someone get him some tissues please.
7. The baby plot is great.
What are you smoking? No, tell me what? And for the love of all that is holy, pass it over sistah. I don’t want to speak for the whole fandom, but from what I’ve seen, very few, and I mean very few of the viewers actually like the Baby Plot. It’s the most recycled, over-used, cliche and utterly predictable plot line. Ever. Baby born, baby help father find humanity, baby help father be better person, baby help father find his soul, baby give father his redemption, baby turn father into a unicorn skipping through a meadow. It gives us strong and painful memories of that time we erred to watch/read Twilight. The baby plot takes away from some amazing plotlines and directions that could have been taken in the show, especially with such volatile and interesting characters like Klaus, Elijah and Marcel. But instead its a rip off of about 7 different things, and we are neither impressed nor amused. Being told the baby plot is great just makes us weep for humanity. Personally, the only reply I have to that comment is: If Joss Whedon couldn’t make it work, why are you even trying? Seriously, what are you smoking?
8. Klaroliners are delusional and should give up
Ok seriously people, its called a dictionary. Use it. If you’re going to insult us and call us names, at least put some effort into it and mix it up. I’m tired of being called the same adjective over and over again. The thing that baffles me is why there must be name-calling and hateful comments thrown at a fandom of a ship that you don’t care about? You don’t like Klaroline? Fine, its your choice, and your right. But then why spend those preciously depleting brain cells on hating on the fandom? And I bring back my earlier point; freedom of speech and freedom of opinion. We can ship whatever we want, however nonsensical or delusional it may seem to others, but its our right to do it. So, grow up, find a good book to read or something, and leave us alone. Though, it seems to me, like the more the Klaroline Fandom is told to give up, the harder they fight and the louder they become. So, on second thought, hit at us with those comments, we just embrace the names you give us and ship them harder. Some of us hate hearing this statement, some of us (like me) mostly just laugh and push harder for our ship.
9. Klaus doesn’t deserve Caroline.
Again, what is with the random stating of facts that have no effect whatsoever? What’s surprising is that many of us, Klaroliners that is, would agree with this point. Klaus has done some terrible things, granted, not that Caroline is squeaky Mother Teresa clean either, but if it was a competition then Klaus would win this every day of the week and twice on Sunday. So, yes some of us would agree with you (I am sure there are some with differing opinions as well). Yes, maybe Caroline is too good and noble and bright for a man like Klaus. But the thing is, where in the Bible of shipping is it said that one party to a ship must deserve the other party to the ship? There is no such rule, no defined lines and standards that a ship must meet. That’s the beauty of shipping, it has no rules. No head, just heart. So, while a part of us might agree to this comment that is thrown our way, we are always bewildered as to why that’s a reason for us to not ship them? Especially in a show that’s based in shades of grey. Everyone is bad, everyone has done terrible things. Unless you’re Elena, then you’re good. And if people ever took the time to listen to us, then they’d see that we don’t really give a damn about what awful things Klaus has done. This isn’t real life, this is a fictional ship. Trust me, the evil-er Klaus gets, the more people he kills, the more desirable he becomes. Not just to my ovaries, but to my headcanon version of Klaroline as well.
10. Caroline never had any feelings for Klaus.
Shocker! Caroline didn’t fall head over heels for the sexy, scary Hybrid that terrorized her boyfriend, her town and her friends? Blasphemy, I say blasphemy. We are aware that Caroline doesn’t sign her name Caroline Mikaelson and doesn’t draw hearts with ‘K loves C’ in her notebook. We know what she feels for him isn’t love, maybe a light fondness. But saying that she feels nothing for him is false as well. And this isn’t coming from our delusional little brains, but from facts in the show itself. We’ve heard Caroline say ‘I’ve caught myself wishing I could forget all the horrible things he’s ever done.’ We’ve seen her totally guilty face when Elena alluded to all the ‘dirty thoughts’ she has about Klaus. Caroline does feel something for Klaus, and that is why we ship them so, for the potential that they provide as a pairing. So, unless you want a 10 page thesis, complete with diagrams, pie charts, statistics, reaction gifs and occasional swearing explaining in detail how Caroline does care for Klaus, you wouldn’t say the above to a Klaroliner.